Boxer_Daddy's blog

You make some good points here.

However I do think, increasingly, gay or bi men sometimes choose very "masculine" competitive sports because, at some level, they worry about their lack of masculinity because of their sexuality. There is a strange "pinch point" here. Only wanting to box or wrestle guys you find attractive is peculiar to men who are attracted to men, sure. But it's not the end of the story.

I think it's quite possible that some gay or bi men claw themselves up in ultra-competitive sports (or indeed in any competitive "male" arena), precisely because they feel more "adequate" as men by doing so - and so "out-compete" the attitudes they perceive of straight males. This is one of the other secrets that dare not speak its name.

On the other hand, if you have a naturally competitive nature - you will like taking on anybody, whether you are attracted to them or not. Certainly with wrestling I will wrestle anyone (within reason) just so long as they have some seriousness about wrestling. It's the guy's who just want sex that put me off.

Any erotic element is just a potential bonus - not the be all and end all of it at all .

Okay, next time you gotta warn a Boxer before bringing an intellectual response like that. I was beginning to think there was no clever life out here on Uranus since str8 guys are from Mars and women are from Venus.

So okay, I'll bite, "Only wanting to box or wrestle guys you find attractive is peculiar to men who are attracted to men, sure. But it's not the end of the story." Clue me in as to what those stories might be: Are we talking fear factor? Cause if that's the case a guy will never step in the ring with a stranger unless he knows he can beat him, but then how is he supposed to get better. My first time in the ring was with one of the toughest gay boxers' around. He bloodied my nose and battered me around the ring exposing my novice stature, but he never put me down. That should have been an indication for me to quit, but it planted a seed inspiring me to take lessons about my chosen trade and train to become a better fighter. The only way for a boxer to get better is to fight someone better than him. Muhammed Ali & Jake LaMotta didn't wake up one day as two of the best fighters in history. So are we talking sex factor? Men that just want to have sex with other guys that may or may not be a boxer but just look good in gear. Cause that's a whole 'nother Rant. It's also misleading. Besides this site is named MeetFighters not MeetLovers. I enjoy having sex with gay boxers that have engaged me in battle. In fact I prefer it! It helps to establish intentions, hierarchy & fighter camaraderie not to mention gets the juices flowing making sex that much hotter.

Now, I do believe you're onto something here when referring to gay or bi men being more aggressive in sports to feel more adequate or justified about themselves. However, again that's a topic for another day, it doesn't explain why some guys post pics of themselves with their gloves in front of their faces as if their hiding something. It kind of reminds of a line a gay boxer once told me "My family & friends don't know I box because they would figure out I was gay." WTF?!?!?! Just thinking about that makes my head hurt. If anything its further proof that gay men have some deep rooted psychological issues and adding a combative sport mentality on top of that causes the insanity to ensue.

Let your guard down fellas, give the rest of us boxers a chance to see the handsome face on that tough looking pugilist who's thumbnail picture caught our eye. If you're your 30 something and older what care should you have? You've established yourself in life, the job and what you desire out of life. Only fetish terrorists and the illegal acts of crooked governments can take that away from you. If Emile Griffin, Marc Leduc and currently Orlando Cruz can stand proudly as gay boxers, you can too.

PS – For those that didn't get the joke earlier - Yes, gay men are on Uranus.

Well I get intellectual only because your post contains quite a lot of "intellectual meat" even though you probably don't think you express yourself in that way.

It's nothing to be ashamed of. You can be a tough boxer too - and gay lol.

As for getting into the ring - only if you can win - I can only draw an analogy with wrestling. I enjoy and thrive on facing my fears and improving - and that includes wrestling guys who are highly likekely to kick my ass. Some of them don't but some of them do. The excitement, the exhilaration, the adrenalin "fear" can I/can't I - is all part of the thrill to me.

As for whether your opponent is good-looking or not. I'm not convinced this is a purely "sexual" response. For example I think some guys get a deep rooted satisfaction out of kicking the ass of guys who they perceve as better looking than themselves. It's a kind of "satisfying ebvy" thing - whether he be a guy who gets all the girls - or boys. That's another prinal thing going on there. And I am not sure it has anything directly to do with sexuality. But it's common.

Just as in wrestling - the heel (dominant guy) can be ugly loooking and mean and the jobber (submissive guy) is traditionally a "pretty boy". What's going on there?

I'm not entirely sure - but in conflict, competition and primal play, looks are clearly not irrelevant.

LOL! Thank you, as a published author I'm aware of my literary intellectual prowess, but I try not to flaunt it. I found many people are intimidated by it.

Also, I'm a trained boxer with 14 years of experience under my belt that regularly spars with cruiserweight and heavyweight boxers. Only the truly experienced of them ever fair well against me. I'm certain I can win against you, and no I've never been accused of being modest.

Looks is a VERY sexual portion of engaging another man in combat. It's primal for a man to want to beat up the guy that he perceives is better looking. Better looks perpetuates the impression of better status, ability, level & power. This is prevalent in the animal kingdom and man is only separated by his cognitive thinking. It what fosters jealously in some and overachieving in others. Our natural instincts are still very much a part of us and only the best of us acknowledge this fact and even less of them able to overcome this embedded psychological shortcoming.

Now I can't speak for the wrestling community, but in boxing the good looking fighter is always looked up to and those below him derive a greater mental and sexual gratification if or when they can beat him.

Although you always win now, there must have been a time when you didn't but were still drawn to boxing, even when you got your ass kicked. I've only been wrestling competitively for a year, so I've no doubt you'd kick my ass at boxing as I don't and have no desire to box. Maybe that's not what you meant.

There's certainly no objective reason why a better looking guy should be a better "fighter" for want of a better term - and obviously, this is not strictly relevant to fighting prowess. But people (largely) react positively to better looking people so maybe those individuals often have a "head start" in terms of inner confidence, which in any walk of life, gets you quite a long way.

LOL! I don't ALWAYS WIN! Let's just say the majority of the time I do. However, I am simply responding to your previous statement "As for getting into the ring - only if you can win - I can only draw an analogy with wrestling. I enjoy and thrive on facing my fears and improving - and that includes wrestling guys who are highly likely to kick my ass. Some of them don't but some of them do. The excitement, the exhilaration, the adrenalin "fear" can I/can't I - is all part of the thrill to me." As such I am always up for a good fight or challenge even if both of us know it will be a 'squash' job.

You are correct in that there is no objective reason why the good looking boxer should or would be the better fighter. I believe it to be a psychological defect of the human mind. Hence the sayings "The grass is always green on the other side" or so it appears until you get close up and personal. "We" as the cognitive thinking species should know better and see everyone equally. But yet again, it is the perceived differences such as these that cause man to strive to be greater and accomplish things he would not normally achieve - a necessary trait for mankind to evolve.

LOL. You did say you had never been accused of being modest - but maybe you have been accused of being cocky, lol.

You did say "I'm certain I can win against you...". Are you talking about boxing or wrestling here? Since I'm not a boxer - this is a pointless remark, yes?

I'm certain I could win against you in wrestling. No-one accused me of being modest, either. Or wholly truthful, lol.

As for your cognitive/thinking piece: Well I'm not sure where the cognitive bit starts and the "instinctive" bit ends. Certainly in wrestling - I think trash talk and looks count for quite a lot in the pyschological warfare that takes place before you even grapple. Sometimes I think it can determine the outcome of the match. But like everything, it's not the whole story: I'm not convinced that the wholly cognitive and rational can ever wholly overcome the instinctive or irrational - and it may require rather a lot of discipline for some individuals to accomplish this. In other words - there is often a hurdle here to overcome.

If any of this makes sense.

Oh YES! I've definitely been accused of being cocky and I wholeheartedly accept that. Although I prefer the term confident. Hey, I'm an athletic gay male that performs exceedingly well in an uber-str8-male dominated sport. Considering the millennia long taboos against gays men in boxing is it any wonder? As for a contest between you and I? Yes, I'm referring to boxing – advantage me. In the same token, I'm certainly you would wrap me into a pretzel and tap me out in wrestling before I knew enough to declare foul.

Cognitive over Instincts: Yes, it does make sense. As combative men come in all different shapes, sizes and thinking abilities, the cognitive portion affects many of us. Psychological warfare plays a big role in boxing as well. Take Muhammed Ali for example, his boasting had many of his opponents beat before he stepped into the ring with them. Boxing & Wrestling separate when the bout gets into the long haul. There's a saying: "…boxing is 60% mental and 40% physical," thus giving credence to many fighters preferring a strong mental constitution over a well developed physique. I believe those of us that exhibit this trait are better able to vanquish the majority of our adversaries in the ring by overriding our libido urges for the sake of combat. Those of us without this capacity tend to be driven by the brain between our legs. Of course given the facial area where gloves strike, it is rare that the fighter tends to have or maintain features that would be considered visually pleasing to his opponent as well as most onlookers. I've faced a number of very handsome boxers in the past and had to push my attraction urges aside in order to dominate them. This was no easy task as some of them were aware of my sexual orientation and tried to use it against me.

LOL - it's not your occasional "cockiness" that's revealing - it's the fact that you feel the need to express it - from time to time. Don't worry I'm not judging you. I'm inclined to behave in a similar fashion myself.

Your last paragraph is very interesting. As an outsider - I suspect you are partly "driven" by your sexuality. Your obvious pride in being a gay man performing "exceedingly well in an uber-str8-male dominated sport" explains, I would suggest, your "cockiness" and confidence. I understand this very well. You feel you have achieved against "adversity" in more than just a purely physical, competitive sense.

I find it interesting that you believe that handsome men use your "sexual orientation" against you. Presumably these guys are "straight" or at least you think they are - which again is an interesting phenomenon. As somebody who doesn't box, but wrestles I would have thought this aspect was far less apparent. I wonder whether this is real or apparent? And what your evidence is for this. Perhaps you focus harder on winning if you think the guy is good-looking.

When I wrestle - you would think that the more obvious body contact would make any kind of sexual response more apparent. It doesn't. And the more competitive my opponent, the more focussed I become on winning.

I do however think the psychological side of wrestling is all important. I am physically fit - but strongly believe that I have (surprisingly) won some matches against more experienced wrestlers only because of my mental attitude. And one guy who repeatedly crushes me (and is a good deal bigger and stronger I must say) I firmly believe, pyschologically dominates me - before we even fight - and this is partly what I am focussing on combatting in order to improve.

I can assure you there is a method to my madness for my occasional “cockiness.” One I will share with you in a private email.

However, I will admit like many men I am wholeheartedly STRONGLY “driven” by my sexuality to boxing. It was an overwhelming desire to sate my deep sexual hunger and make my fantasies come true. What’s the point of having a fantasy if you never attempt to live it? Once I achieved what I believed to be a far off dream of being an accomplished boxer with notable skills it gave me a personal sense of triumph like nothing I had ever felt before. I was not the athlete of today in my youth. I was definitively more of a “geek” in my earlier days, thus my “cockiness” of today. It is also my overconfidence that has allowed me to win many a ring war simply because I ‘believed’ I could win and not just because of my skill level and size.

As for my believing that guys see my “sexual orientation” as a weak point in my armor; you and I both know that homosexuality is very taboo in the majority of sports. So it should not come as no surprise that men str8 and/or gay men should try to use my sexuality against me in the ring. The str8 ones don’t want the stigma of being beaten by what they perceive as a “lesser” man. The gay ones or the ones “in the closet” are dealing with self hate and battling me in their effort to fight their own demons. Throughout my tenure in the Navy and living amongst the plethora of gay men in Atlanta, GA I took the time to study men considerably. I also implored the strategy of learning to walk in another man’s shoes to figure out how to best deal, associate and befriend him. I discovered that often times men have deep rooted psychological mental problems or what we commonly refer to today as “issues” that stem from their past. It is these individuals that I often encounter in the ring. They are also the ones I truly enjoy hammering the point of my skill superiority into their brains with my fists. It is not a constant problem but a recurring one that continues to reappear every six to eight months from various “new” individuals that enter the fray of battle with me.

This post is fascinating - and makes complete sense to me - even though I have had somewhat different life experiences to you. I am motivated by many of the same impulses in my wrestling - and have also observed the same traits in other guys.

Straight, gay and bisexual men are very complicated. The "issues" label you refer to is very apt. I was a geekish intellectual "type" when I was at school, and have pursed a career which is both intellectualy but mentally combative. Now in my 40s I come full circle and have added a strong desire to physically compete with other guys to my personality. The result is that I feel more "complete" as an individual than I ever used to.

I would be more revealing by private email, lol.